Monday, November 12, 2007

Pope Benedict XVI At New Nationals Park

With The Official Word that Pope Benedict XVI will not only visit Washington, DC beginning April 15th, 2008, but also conduct Mass at New Nationals Park on April 17th--the opportunity arises to look at The Pontiff's Visit to South Capitol Street in a little different light--with humor.

And, all of this is written in fun. None of which--should be taken seriously or offend anyone. Because--unquestionably--The Pope's Visit to The Nation's Capital is a HUGE EVENT and SERIOUS MATTER. A Gathering in which I have NO DOUBT--I will be credentialed and attending for my television network. The Pope is a Serious Man--but his visit to New Nationals Park does provide some GOOD POTENTIAL HUMOR.

So--If Pope Benedict shows up in his infamous PopeMobile--will the sides of his vehicle be emblazoned "GEICO" as the sponsor. The Pontiff is in America--sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

Maybe The Pope can let "The Most Thrilling Closer In The Game" borrow The PopeMobile for one journey to the mound during the 9th inning of a Save Opportunity. Any Help from Above for Chad Cordero would be more than welcomed by Our Fans.

Will his Mass, at New Nationals Park, be sponsored by Lockheed Martin (A Defense Contractor)? Will Communion be brought to everyone by McDonalds?

Will Our Lovable Loser--"Teddy" get a special audience with Pope Benedict? If anyone needs Divine Intervention--"Teddy" sure could use it.

Speaking of Our Racing Presidents--would they not be GREAT!! as Personal Protection for The Pontiff on South Capitol Street. Just the site of all them surrounding His Holiness--would be a SIGHT TO BEHOLD. What a Photo Op!! A Picture to be REMEMBERED FOREVER!! Really, it would be. Too bad--its most likely not going to happen.

Would My Best Friend Screech!! invite Pope Benedict up to his Bird's Nest--for an inside look at The Creature Comforts of His Home. Since The Pope speaks so many languages--could they converse?

Would Our "Jesus Battery"--Jesus Flores and Jesus Colome be blessed by The Pontiff? Maybe Pope Benedict can illicit enough confidence into Colome so "The Human Rain Delay" could speed up his delivery on the mound. No one pitcher in baseball slower between pitches than Jesus Colome. Pontiff--please help us.

And, "Church on Thursday" or any other day for that matter (April 17th is a Thursday) being yelled out by The Section 320 Faithful toward My Main Man!! Ryan Church--would take on a WHOLE NEW MEANING.

Yes--"Church on Thursday" would never be the same.

Finally--I can just see this moment. Our Manager Manny Acta--The Most Charismatic of Men. Not only can I see Manny getting an audience with His Holiness--but also--convincing Pope Benedict XVI to play catch with him. A least a few tosses. Yeah--if Manny Acta could get him to do it--that would be FABULOUS.

None of these possibilities are anyway near to happening at New Nationals Park on April 17th, 2008. But, it sure is fun to think about them. Please Remember--this is all written in fun.

But--what may well actually happen is Pope Benedict XVI Blessing New Nationals Park--just a few days after The Very First Game is ever played there. That's pretty good timing on his part. That's also pretty cool!!


Positively Half St. said...

As a Nats fan and a Catholic, I am very excited that Pope Benedict will be at the new park. I hope to bring my family to see him and attend Mass.

As a fan of Nats320, I enjoyed your light-hearted take on the event. Never fear, no offense taken in the least. I have a feeling that Pope John Paul would have been much more likely to play catch with Manny Acta, though.

The Nats will continue to need all the help they can get. If the positive intentions of the Pope and his followers can leave any residue, perhaps we'll have a better April than we did this year.

Edward J. Cunningham said...

Will Abe reluctantly give up his uniform number so that the Nats can give His Holiness a personalized jersey which reads "BENEDICT" with the uniform number "16"?

An Briosca Mor said...

Hey, how did this Benedict guy get priority in the seating relocation, process? I never saw him at RFK in 2005!

Did you happen to notice that Benedict and Screech share the same outfit? Broad-brimmed red hat and a white robe.They also both have a bit of a prominent beak. Let's hope Benedict's robe provides a bit more coverage than Screech's, eh? Also, let's hope he's not into the pelvic-thrust thing, either.

Back in 1979 when John Paul II was here, he said mass on the Mall, to a much bigger crowd than Benedict will pull into Nationals Park. It was a more innocent time then, though, without today's security concerns. That was before John Paul II almost got assassinated in St. Peter's Square. No doubt security concerns have played a big part in turning this into what will no doubt be a by-invitation-only event. If you think the screams over STH relocation will be loud, you ain't seen nothin' yet once local Catholics find out they won't be able to get into this mass.

Now, when JP II was here there were a lot of papal souvenirs being sold. Will the locker rooms at Nats Park be stocked with Pope soap-on-a-rope this time around? How about Pope-shaped aluminum beer bottles? Too bad this didn't happen during the RFK era, Aramark would have been the perfect vendor for cardboard communion wafers.

From the tentative schedule, it looks like the Nats have April 17th off, after a home stand against the Mets. Will they hang around for a papal blessing before heading off to Florida? I would think that several of the Latin players would be Catholic, and this visit might be quite meaningful for them. And imagine the liturgical dance Tonay Batista could do if he's still with the team then...

paul said...

I wonder what the Pope thinks of our weekly playing of "God Bless America"? Personally, it makes me uncomfortable. Sorry to break the levity, but this issue has been nagging me.

Edward J. Cunningham said...

I don't think the Nats do it any more frequently than any other team. In fact I read how the Blue Jays (understandably) asked not to play that song during the seventh inning, and the commissioner refused. It's now mandated by MLB during special events.

I would have thought that seven years after 911, the need for that song would have passed, but apparently not. Just feel grateful Congress didn't make that the new national anthem...

An Briosca Mor said...

I can live with God Bless America. It's Sweet Caroline that bothers me. Do you think they'll play that one for the Pope? If so, maybe in his sermon he could admonish as to how thou shalt not covet stadium songs that are a Red Sox thing, but instead thou shalt develop thine own unique stadium entertainment, especially in thine own new ballpark. Has the DC Council been notified that the Nationals are featuring out-of-town songs? I doubt they'd like that. Why isn't Marion Barry in an uproar?